Has sex gotten boring? Help is here!
We’re in our second week of our Sizzling Summer Sex Series, and today I want to help those of you who feel like sex isn’t sizzling whatsoever.
And that is sad–because sex is meant to be awesome! It’s explosive. It should be super pleasurable. It helps you relax and sleep better and feel closer to your spouse, sure. But it also is just plain exciting!
Except when it’s not.
Today I want to give you ten reasons today that sex can get boring, and then point you to some extra help for each of these reasons! And one tip: as you read this list, look for the one that resonates most with you (even if all ten are true, look for the one that says, BINGO! the loudest).
1. We never learn new techniques or try new things.
When our family went on a Kenyan safari, we were beyond giddy with excitement when we saw our first giraffe in the wild. It was the coolest thing! The legs came up past the roof of our jeep. By the afternoon we were bored of giraffes. They were everywhere. What we really wanted were some lions!
Even amazing things can get boring if there’s never any variety. If you always have sex the same way, and do the same things, it will seem boring, even if it still feels pleasurable. Here’s some help to make things more fun!
When we talk about sex getting boring, that’s usually what we focus on–we’re doing the same thing the same way all the time. And it is a big problem. But it’s not the ONLY reason sex gets boring. Here are 9 more!
2. We focus only on intercourse, and not on anything else
What makes sex stupendous is the passion which is fuelled by feeling intimate. But other things are actually more emotionally vulnerable and intimate than intercourse–like just touching each other or exploring each other. When one spouse is concentrating on pleasing the other, rather than both getting pleasure together, there’s a different dynamic. It’s far less “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”, and far more personal. And personal is rarely boring!
3. It was never that exciting to begin with.
Maybe the reason it’s boring now is because it was never much fun to begin with! You never figured out how to make it feel good, or you felt like it had to be done a certain way. And it can be embarrassing to try to get up the courage to ask for something different. That’s where 31 Days to Great Sex comes in. Because it’s a daily challenge, it’s not as vulnerable as saying, “what would you think if we tried this?” You don’t have to do anything–the book is the one that tells you do it! And there’s lots there to help you figure out how to make sex feel really great, in every way.
4. We get too comfortable and forget to try
If getting ready for bed consists of talking to him while he’s brushing his teeth and you’re sitting on the toilet peeing, after which you both throw on old raggedy T-shirts before you crawl into bed–well, perhaps it’s no wonder that sex has gotten boring. You’ve lost all mystery and you’ve forgotten to try!
5. We’re never spontaneous.
Every so often, passion should get the better of you! Yet often we may start kissing, and we may start feeling excited, but then we remember that dinner needs to be made or that we have to get ready to leave in half an hour. What would happen if, instead, we just let the feelings carry us away? We’d make great memories, that’s what! We’d have an inside joke. We’d feel just a little bit out of control. Sex doesn’t need to always be at the same time because it’s part of a schedule. It can be something that carries you away.
6. Only one person ever initiates
Even if sex is great, if the same person always starts, it’s going to feel, well, like a downer. Why? Because it’s always going to seem as if one person is doing the other a favour. And pity sex makes sex feel degrading. Even if you’re more than enthusiastic once it starts, if you never initiate, your spouse may feel like you’re not really into it. And that’s going to start to turn them off, so that they may stop trying, too.
7. We never share what we actually want
Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to try–but you’ve never gotten the courage to tell your spouse. Maybe you’d really rather be touched like THIS rather than like THAT, but your spouse doesn’t know that. And it’s been five years now. And you feel like if you say anything, it will be as if you’re criticizing the last five years! So you figure you’re stuck with this.
No wonder it’s boring!
8. We stop doing anything new OUTSIDE the bedroom.
Sex isn’t just physical. It reflects the whole relationship. And if your relationship is boring, and you’re always doing the same things that you’ve always done, sex is likely going to be boring, too. Want to feel more excited about sex? Have more fun together outside the bedroom! The more you laugh together and create memories, the closer you’ll feel–and that will ignite passion anew.
9. We stop talking.
Sex is intimate physically, yes. But it’s also intimate emotionally and spiritually. In fact, when we feel more emotionally vulnerable and emotionally close, libido grows and passion grows. When you feel like someone knows your heart, then you’ll want to share the rest of you with them, too. But if you’re guarding your heart, then there’s a part of you they can’t touch. And that will mean you hold back sexually as well. So if you want sex to be more passionate, make sure you’re actually knowing each other on a heart-to-heart level!
10. We don’t make sex a priority
For women especially, sex requires two things: energy and a clear head. If we’ve got grocery shopping lists and worries about tomorrow running through our brains, then we won’t be able to get aroused. And if we’re tired, we definitely won’t want sex! So if sex is going to be great, it can’t come last on our priority list.
There you go! 10 reasons sex can get boring.
There’s nothing wrong with sex itself, you know. The problem is in how we approach it! And that’s good, because it means that we have the power to change things, too.
Now, the question is: what are you going to do about it?
Your Sizzling Summer Sex Challenge
Choose the ONE most important reason that resonates you with most about why sex has gotten boring in your marriage.
Read the extra posts and commit to making change in this area.
If boring sex is a huge problem, I’d also recommend taking my Boost Your Libido course, which looks at all the reasons that women sometimes lose passion, with practical, step-by-step challenges that help bring you immediate results!
Find the other posts in the Sizzling Summer Sex Challenge here!
What do you think? Has sex gotten boring in your marriage? Did I miss a reason? Let’s talk in the comments!
Marriage isn’t supposed to be blah!
Sex is supposed to be stupendous–physically, emotionally, AND spiritually.If it’s not, get The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex–and find out what you’ve been missing.