You love him…but he is clueless about your sexual frustration. You don’t know how to bring it up. Can you imagine telling him that he is being selfish or lazy? Or in polite terms “self-centered”.
This is the situation on the surface. Could there be underlying issues?
Let’s take a look.
1. Is he selfish or lazy in other areas of the relationship?
You might be focusing on his self-regard in the bedroom when it is showing up in other aspects of your relationship. A general absence of investment from him signals deeper issues. Your frustration might be a general issue in the relationship.
2. Does he only show up when pushed to?
Even if he fixes his attitude, if he only does so when forced to or out of obligation, the relationship has bigger problems than sex.
That being said…
3. Other feelings
Is the issue not being satisfied physically or are other feelings, like being “used”, showing up? What exactly about him is lazy or selfish? Immediately leaving, falling asleep, going to take a shower, lack of conversation afterward, or cuddling?
Any of these actions or inactions in this case could be hurting expectations that determine a good experience.
It is okay to not experience an orgasm in each sexual encounter. However, if there are no good feelings afterward due to the behavior stated above, then one partner risks feeling disregarded.
Here’s how to correct the pattern
5. Take the positive approach
Men have a social reputation for knowing what a woman wants so approaching him with criticism will not go down well.
Instead, encourage what he is doing well and what feels good by telling him how it would be made better. You can also ask what he’d like you to improve. This will make it come off as requests rather than criticism.
6. Show, don’t tell
Like men, women also are fed the idea that men know what to do. When this ideal is not met, rather than freely giving feedback, a woman might announce her disappointment without tact.
So if verbal communication is tricky or plain awkward, direct his body where you want it.