Is True love real? How can you tell if what you’re feeling is love? Look for these signs of true love, and understand what it truly is.
What is true love all about? Is true love something that is actually possible, or is it all in our heads? Can you recognize the signs of true love the minute you see it? We know it’s all around us, and yet we can’t see it. So is true love even real? You’ll know exactly how to recognize the real kind of love right here.
What is True Love?
True love is the state you are in when you feel connected, attached, and happy with someone. It is a place where you feel a permanent sense of connection with someone else, regardless of what happens.
True love goes far beyond what your body does and feels or how you view someone in a relationship. But when you experience true love towards someone, your primal instincts and behavior change only towards this person. True love transcends typical human behavior.
When does one experience true love?
True love always takes time to bloom. What you experience in the first few months or even the first year or so of a relationship are infatuation and sexual attraction. Some even call it the “honeymoon period” of the relationship. It’s when you can’t keep your hands off each other, can’t stop thinking of each other, and can’t imagine living without each other!
As the bursts of infatuation start to fade with the first few arguments and the first few misunderstandings, that’s when love starts to enter the picture. And this is where most couples start to drift away emotionally or even end up breaking up because of incompatibilities.
If you’re in a relationship where both of you truly understand each other and feel compatible with each other, and most importantly, love each other, chances are, you’re experiencing true love already.
The Difference between Love, Lust, and Infatuation
You may think that your days of being infatuated with a male were long gone after junior high, but intelligent women of every age go through being infatuated. It is part of the journey to love, but it’s easy to mistake infatuation for love.
When you’re infatuated, you have an overwhelming attachment to the person. You can’t get enough of him.
Infatuation is often more based on the idea or fantasy of a person than reality. You may build him up to be something better than he is simply because that’s what you want. Infatuation is a temporary state, so if this feeling starts to fade, you know that it does not love.
Lust, on the other hand, is more based on physical attraction. You can feel lust for someone that you have no emotional or intellectual connection with (that’s pretty much the definition of the hookup). If you’re always eager to jump in bed with this guy but really don’t get that much out of spending time with him, otherwise, you’re likely in lust, not love.
But true love is total and consuming…and it lasts. It may take longer to blossom as you open yourself up to the person and get to know him in return. But with love, you can be yourself, and you recognize that neither of you is perfect.
So which are you feeling? It may be hard to know (though lust is a pretty easy feeling to identify). Take your time to process your feelings. As you get to know him better, you may feel differently toward him. And over time, you’ll likely see some of the signs of true love I discuss up next.
20 Signs of True Love in a Relationship
True love may be hard to define, but the signs to read true love can be clearly seen in every perfect, loving relationship. If you’re in a relationship and want to know if you’re experiencing the purest form of love, use these simple signs of true love to find out for yourself.
You Don’t Play Games.
When you think more about yourself and your needs and pleasure than someone else, you are not in a state of true love, and you will do ridiculous things with a lack of seriousness and respect for the other person.
You don’t have any desire to play with your lover’s mind. You want to be straightforward so that he knows you’re serious about where this relationship is headed.
If you feel like you want to keep your lover in your life solely to fulfill a need you have, you will play games to do that. For example, pretending to be pregnant or suicidal to keep your lover is playing a game that is not part of true love.
2. You can’t stop smiling
Ever wondered the streets and spotted someone smiling to themselves as if they’re in on some secret? Chances are they’re either plotting a kind of interstellar diplomatic mission, or they’re falling in love. “We can experience ‘butterflies in our stomach, feelings of excitement, and not being able to stop smiling,” says Burley. “These physiological effects are due to raised dopamine levels. Smiling can establish a feedback loop. The happier we feel, the more we smile, and the more we smile, the happier we feel.”
You Can Be Yourself Completely Around Him
It’s completely normal to want to shine the best light on yourself possible when you first start dating, but as the relationship progresses — and as your feelings get stronger — you should be able to relax a little and be more genuine. That means you’re okay with him seeing you without makeup or in your ancient fuzzy PJs. One of the signs of true love is knowing that, no matter what you say or do, you won’t run him off, nor are you afraid of what he’ll think.
Maybe you snort when you laugh. Let it out.
Maybe you fart in your sleep. Again, let it out!
Maybe you talk really fast and ramble. He can handle it.
Realize that, as your lover is falling for you, he’s doing the same thing. He might be paranoid about his big stomach, so he’s been sucking it in. Or maybe he snores. But as he relaxes around you, he sees that he doesn’t have to worry about you judging him for these things. Because when you’re in love, none of those little things matter.
it wants the best for them even if it means less for you
Some people won’t be happy with you. It’s just the truth, as hard as that is to accept. If it’s true love you feel for them, you’ll want the best for them, even if that means you’ll be unhappy.
I’m not saying you should give in to someone else’s will and turn into their slave just because you love them. This means that you’re willing to give up on a few things if that’ll make your partner’s life happier or better in some way.
You keep your promises.
A promise to someone you truly love has a lot of weight. Promises are an extension of trust. When someone you love promises to do something and breaks it, they break your trust on some level.
When you experience true love in your relationship, your moral conscience becomes very strong when it comes to this one special person. And your word turns to oak. You stick to your principles, and so everything you possibly can to keep any promises you made to the one you love.
You love them for their flaws.
Everyone has flaws. Your partner will definitely have flaws. True love isn’t about being blind to those things. Instead, it’s about loving those aspects of who they are, anyways.
If your significant other is always forgetful, you might get frustrated sometimes, but overall, you’ll learn to love that about them. It’ll be a cute quirk instead of a hindrance. That’s what true love is.
You Communicate, Not Fight
It’s completely normal to have disagreements when you’re in a relationship. But it’s how you deal with those that determine how strong your relationship is.
Would you think that a couple that shouts at one another and calls each other names…or one that sits down and gets to the root of the issue…would be the one to last longer?
Another sign of true love is being willing to communicate rather than fight. You might be furious at some perceived offense, but rather than blowing up at him (because what does that solve?), you take a walk around the block, collect your thoughts, then come back to discuss the problem rationally. This actually produces positive results. He finds out what he did wrong and can make the situation better, and he doesn’t feel defensive when you talk to him.
They fill you with pure happiness.
Just watching this special person smile or laugh out loud fills you with intense happiness, even if you’re suffering or having a hard day.
This may sound pretty hard to imagine for someone who’s not experienced true, blissful love. But when you truly love someone deeply, the empathy you feel towards them makes you experience the same feelings of joy or pain they’re experiencing.
You are Willing to Stay During the Touch Times
Your partner gets sick, physically or mentally. They are struggling with a life crisis that has pushed them into a different state of being or are struggling to find themselves. All these times can be tough, but if you are truly in love with your lover, you will stay, support, and find ways to help them through their tough times.
This doesn’t mean that you take abuse from them. You may truly love them, but if they move to a place where they do not truly love you, then you shouldn’t put up with that. However, if they treat you with the respect you need, you should be willing to stay with them through their tough time, even when everyone else turns their back to them.
10. You daydream
New love can engage your imagination. “You begin envisioning your future together and wanting to make further plans with them,” explains Kova. “Lust, love, and attachment have evolutionarily evolved to help create lasting attachments and mutual feelings of caring, which are feelings that increase sexual engagement and thus chances for reproduction.”
11. You feel safe.
If you can be vulnerable with your new partner, then it’s game over. “Long-lasting love is driven by the release of hormones vasopressin and oxytocin. When we feel an attachment to a partner, our bodies recognize a sense of security,” Cooper explains. “Long-lasting love gives a feeling of having a solid ground, a safe space where you can share your inner self and be vulnerable with your feelings.”
One Argument Does Not End the Relationship
I remember the first few arguments I had with my girlfriend Jess when we first started dating. I remember worrying that each would be the end of our relationship. But as I started falling in love with her, I remember that those arguments were less scary. I was more confident in my love for her and knew that a silly disagreement wouldn’t end us.
It Feels Natural
Love should never, ever feel forced. I know women who wanted so desperately to be in love that they tried to maneuver a not-right relationship into love.
It never worked out.
If you’re really in love, it just feels…right. You don’t worry about what if’s because you know they’ll magically work themselves out.
You see things from their perspective.
Everything you do keeps your lover in mind and thinks from their perspective, be it about planning a surprise party or hanging out with your own friends after work. You don’t ever want to hurt your lover, so you always think from their point of view before making any decision that involves them in any way.
You show your love through your gestures.
You can’t expect love to last if you’re never putting in any effort. That fire won’t stay lit unless you stoke it and add something to help it burn. You’re at a bookstore, and you see a book that your guy would love, so you buy it for him. You don’t do this so he can reimburse you for the book, or so you can rack up “points” with him. You don’t even care about him returning the favor. You want to do something nice, without reward or thanks.
This is, to me, one of the best signs of true love because you are acting from a completely selfless place. You are putting someone else before your own needs and desires, and that is truly a beautiful thing.
When you’re in true love, you make sure your partner knows how much you love them through words and gestures.
Pain and anger
You get terribly hurt when your lover upsets you, but their actions never anger you. You may get annoyed or frustrated now and then momentarily, but you can’t stay mad at them for long because staying mad or giving them the silent treatment hurts you more.
People Say You’re Perfect Together
So maybe you’re still unsure whether you see signs of true love yourself…so look to what your friends are saying about you as a couple. Maybe they’re constantly rolling their eyes at how darn cute you are. Or maybe friends who knew you when you were married say you seem so much happier with this guy than you were for decades.
You have one perspective of your relationship, and your friends have another. Try to see yourself how they see you.
18. You enjoy s*x more.
For some, s*x feels better when there’s true love. “You might know you are in love when a s*x experience feels better or more fulfilling,” Cooper says. “This could be for several reasons, including the ability to be more vulnerable and say what you like and do not like to your partner, trusting your partner during the experience, and not feeling like you will be judged.”
He Makes You Want to Be a Better Person
Being with the right person can make you want to be even better. One of the signs of true love is recognizing that neither of you has to be perfect, but you can inspire one another to be better.
Think of the couples who exercise together or eat healthier. Now think of couples where one person exercises or diets while others keep on with the same bad habits. Which relationship do you think is more love-based? Right. The one where the couples are partners in better living.
Maybe your guy has made you more aware of the need to recycle. Or bike to work. Or be nicer. Whatever that thing is, you feel better by starting new healthy habits.
You Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
When you’re truly in love, you are willing to expose your heart to potential pain. Love is trusting that this person will not break your heart.
If you find yourself still closed off after a traumatic relationship, you might not quite be exhibiting one of these signs of true love, but give it time. It can take a significant amount of time — even years sometimes — to get over serious heartbreak and be open to falling madly in love again.
If being vulnerable doesn’t come naturally, you may need to work through some past experiences blocking you from falling in love again.
Are you experiencing true love?
If you’re in a relationship and aren’t experiencing these true love signs, don’t fret. Perhaps, your relationship hasn’t reached the state of emotional maturity that surpasses physical attraction or the stage of infatuation.
Take your time and test the waters. You can’t fall in love with someone by forcing yourself into a relationship. If it’s not working out, try to understand each other better. And if nothing you do can bring happiness back into love, perhaps both of you would be better off dating other people.
But at the same time, if both of you are already happy in the relationship, don’t change anything about it. True love is something to aspire to, not to have automatically. Sometimes, selfless and unconditional love takes a long time to materialize—work on developing more trust, communication, respect, and compromise. Remember, you can’t push yourself into the next stage in love unless both of you are ready for it.
As long as your lover and you are happy and understand each other, you’re already experiencing the perfect kind of love!