Pretty Little Liars: Somebody’s Married, But Everybody’s Probably Going to Jail

That was fast! 

Just an episode after Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) kinda sorta non-traditionally proposed to Hanna (Ashley Benson) before conducting an unofficial ceremony in a tent, Haleb got married for real.

While they didn’t have the white dress or the diamond ring or a church full of guests, they did have Hanna’s mom, the Justice of the Peace, and a couple of rings that totally worked. So they’re married…and that’s about all the good news we can give you. 

In tonight’s episode, Lieutenant Tanner (Roma Maffia) took over the Rollins murder case after Furey (Nicholas Gonzalez) told her everything and basically excused himself, and Tanner really took things to the next level. All the liars had their houses raided and their belongings taken into evidence, and little bits of bad signs were quickly found, meaning it was only a matter of time before the truth started coming out.

Tanner gave all the girls the chance to tell their side of the story, but no one was talking, no matter how much we begged them to because we’re very, very tired. 

Meanwhile, Aria (Lucy Hale) was still working for Team AD in order to protect Ezra (Ian Harding), and thanks to Mona (Janel Parrish), the rest of the gang figured her out and to say they were pissed to find out that she chose Ezra over them is a serious understatement. She was basically kicked out of the group, though Spencer (Troian Bellisario) did visit her later to tell her that while she can’t forgive her, she would like to apologize. 

And then of course, Tanner showed up to say that Aria was no longer a suspect, since there’s “proof” that Aria was in New Hampshire the night Rollins/Dunhill/whatever disappeared. 

At the same time, the game had a timer going. By the time the timer ran out, the liars needed to choose who was going to jail or else they’d all go to jail. At around the same time, everybody decided not to play anymore. The timer ran out, nobody chose, and just as Aria decided she would turn herself in to save everyone else, AD claimed it was too late. 

Aria’s car stopped, only for her to get out and find a body in the trunk right as the police arrived. And while that was happening, Caleb and Ezra found out that Mona had stolen the game, which was now sporting a little jail cell. 

Finally, everyone had some sex, or presumably were about to. As Caleb and Hanna got married, Emily and Alison lit some candles in a forest and had sex. Spencer showed up at Toby’s, acting totally weird, and then they had sex. Aria planned to tell Ezra everything, but first…sex. And weirdly, all we wanted was to watch the scene where Aria told Ezra everything. 

Pretty Little Liars airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Freeform.