We thought we’d be thrilled when everyone finally came together on Game of Thrones, but at this point we’re just feeling anxious.
Somebody’s definitely going to kill somebody, and we’re just worried that neither of those are going to be the right somebody, especially when Dany’s trying not to kill everyone on her way to the throne and Cersei’s expecting the bloodthirsty daughter of the mad king and planning on meeting her with a giant dragon-killing crossbow.
As part of their plan to take down the Lannisters once and for all, Tyrion and Dany had their armies set out in different directions, with the Unsullied headed for Casterly Rock while everyone else takes King’s Landing.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go well for one of the parties. Euron Goddamn Greyjoy showed up to interrupt some serious flirting/groping/making out between Ellaria and Yara and to basically murder everyone. He also made the grandest entrance anyone has possibly ever made on this show as he surfed down onto Yara’s ship on the bow of his own ship, smashing a dude in the process.
All the Sand Snakes were killed before Euron had Ellaria, and then he was holding a knife to Yara’s throat. He taunted Theon, but just a few minutes after Yara declared him her protector, he jumped ship and bailed instead of actually protecting her. It was, we dare say, some bulls–t.
In some slightly happier news:
Missandei and Greyworm finally did it! Before the Unsullied sailed for Casterly Rock, Missandei went to visit Greyworm and he admitted to her that she was his weakness. He had no fears before he met her, and it was basically the most romantic speech ever given on this show. Missandei then ditched her clothes, and helped Greyworm ditch his own clothes, and
Elsewhere, Arya not only found Hot Pie, but he told her that her family was back in charge of Winterfell. She headed home (!!!) , but found herself surrounded by wolves when she stopped to build a fire. One of the wolves, the biggest wolf of all, turned out to be Nymeria. She didn’t quite seem to recognize Arya and walked away when Arya asked her to come with her, but hopefully she’ll be back, and hopefully Arya actually makes it to Winterfell.
Over at Winterfell, Jon got a raven from Tyrion asking him to come meet Dany at Dragonstone. He wasn’t planning on going, but then he got a raven from Sam at the Citadel telling him about the dragonglass underneath Dragonstone. So he changed his mind, and before he left, he declared Sansa the Queen in the North. He also threw Littlefinger against a wall and told him he’d kill him if he touched his sister.
And finally, the scene we couldn’t watch: Sam thought he found a way to cure Jorah (the hand from last week) of his worsening greyscale, but it involved literally scraping the greyscale off of his body. It was the worst thing we’ve ever listened to as we hid behind our hands. Why does Sam keep getting the gross scenes? Why are they doing this to him?
And a second finally: Can we just talk about some of the editing in this episode? The jump from Missandei and Greyworm to the hand in the book, and then that cut to the guy eating after the Greyscale situation…some editor was having a great time with this one.
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on HBO.