Is there a way to make getting “up close and personal” with your lady parts more attractive to your husband–and less intimidating for you?
I hold these truths to be self-evident:
- We all want great sex.
- For most women, intercourse alone does not provide enough pleasure for orgasm. Therefore, manual and/or oral stimulation is a big necessity!
- Many women (and many men) are hesitant about oral sex on the woman because of the smell.
Therefore, we have a bit of a problem, don’t we?
All through the month of July we’ve been doing the Sizzling Summer Sex Series, where we talk about how to make sex more fun and intimate in your marriage. This week we’ve been looking at naturally caring for our bodies. Yesterday I was talking about how we’re not supposed to smell like flowers. Your vagina isn’t supposed to smell like soap.
After all, think about it: your vagina is internal, and it’s constantly a little bit moist. That means that it will have a smell, no matter what you do. But that smell isn’t necessarily bad.
Your husband’s genitals, on the other hand, are on the outside. They’re not always moist. And so if he’s freshly washed, the scent and taste can be rather neutral. That means that oral sex on him in many ways seems easier and, in some ways, not as personal. I mean, his “man parts” are out there on display all the time. They’re not hidden. But when it comes to our “parts”, often we’re not even sure entirely what’s down there, since we can’t even see it without a mirror.
So oral sex on you is more personal, more private, and thus more vulnerable.
And it’s also a little, well, smellier.
What, then, do you do?
I’m so thrilled that Femallay contacted me and asked to be a sponsor of this blog (and thank you so much for all you do to help me pay for my assistants, Femallay!). And when I found out what they offer, I was even more thrilled, because this is stuff I can totally get behind.
I already told you about the natural, reusable menstrual products that Femallay offers–sponges and cups and reusable pads. Because some of what causes major smells in your vagina is your vagina overreacting to scented products, using reusable products instead of disposable ones can stop that right away, too.
But then they also have flavored vagina suppositories–which inserted with an applicator (it seriously is easy peasy, easier than a tampon), and these melt fast and provide you with both lubrication and flavour. You can go the fun romantic route:
Or you can go more of a fruity route:
They’ve also got watermelon, pink grapefruit, strawberry, vanilla, banana, and so many more! Check them out here.
Here’s why I think flavored vaginal suppositories are such a great idea.
First, it provides easy lubrication, and there are three stages especially in a woman’s life when she really needs that: first, when she’s just married and sex is new; second, after a baby when things are getting back to the way they were; and third, for menopause and beyond when natural lubrication is harder to come by.
And when you keep things well lubricated, too, especially after menopause, you tend to stay healthier down there! And as a bonus, many women find that even if they have plenty of natural moisture “down below,” extra oil-based lubrication and suppositories can help them climax much easier and faster than they could otherwise during both intercourse and manual stimulation, too.
But it isn’t just about lubrication. It’s also about confidence! One woman wrote this comment yesterday on my post:
I didn’t smell until after getting married/started having sex. On our honeymoon, I was like, “I’ve never smelled like this before!” and my hubby said, “You’ve never been with a guy before!” But I do constantly smell now, even though I shower or wash down there every day. I’ve been tempted to try douching, but I’ve heard people can get multiple yeast infections while doing it. Interesting about the fishy smell! I will often smell like that the morning after sex if I didn’t clean up well, but sometimes I’ll smell like that for no reason! I think my strong scent bothers me more than hubby because he’s fine with the oral!
In her case, the smell bothers her, not her husband. And she’d likely be able to relax more during oral sex if she didn’t feel so self-conscious! (And please, stay away from the douches, everybody! They’re not good for you, and over time they’ll make the smell worse anyway).
Another woman wrote this:
Would love your recommendation on any natural products he can use if he is going to go there orally. No hating on my honey, please, he just has a hard time with it and I’m all for using anything that will make it easier and more desirable for him. Married for 20 years come December!
In her case, it’s her husband that’s hesitant.
Again, this is an all-natural product that won’t disrupt the pH balance of the vagina, but will provide a different taste that may make everyone more confident.
If you’re both perfectly fine the way you are, then that’s wonderful! More power to you.
I’m all for getting as close to nature as possible. ? But I also know that for many of us, we’re just hesitant because we’re nervous that it’s not that pleasant for our husbands. So here’s something that may make that easier.
And it’s also something that’s fun to get just for a romantic weekend away, when you want to spice things up a bit!
Oral sex can be great for both intimacy and pleasure
And yet couples are far more likely to have her pleasure him that way than have him pleasure her that way. My friend Paul from The Generous Husband did a big survey on oral sex a few years ago, and what he found was really interesting.
The biggest roadblock for oral sex is not men not wanting to perform it, but women not wanting to receive it. Paul writes:
Twenty-five percent are only open to it if they just showered, 17% can’t understand why he is willing to do it, and 8% say they feel gross when he does it. This is a major block to women accepting oral sex, and to enjoying it if they do accept it.
Yet 45% of men actually reported that they loved the smell, and almost two thirds reported really enjoying giving oral sex. In fact, men actually enjoy giving oral sex more than women enjoy giving oral sex! (see the rest of Paul’s results on attitudes towards oral sex here).
Certainly some husbands are hesitant, and I think in that case Femallay can help, as can trimming the hair down there a bit.
But the biggest roadblock for oral sex on her, it seems, is not husbands, but wives.
We’re really nervous that we’re somehow offensive.
I do get that. I really do. And oral sex honestly feels much more vulnerable than intercourse. You can’t see his face. You’re the sole focus of attention, and so it feels as if you’re under scrutiny. You’re worried about what you’re like down there.
But as I’ve talked about again and again in the Sizzling Summer Sex Series, sometimes we have to give up control. It isn’t about always being proper. It’s okay to not smell like flowers–in fact, men find the fact that it’s musky a bit of a turn on! And women do need more than intercourse to feel good; we were created that way.
So if this has been something your hesitant about, maybe Femallay is a good way to start trying! And you can use the code LOVE10 to get 10% off your order until July 31!
Your Sizzling Summer Sex Challenge Day 19:
It’s time to ask him to try oral sex on you!
Have you been hesitant? Has it been a long time? Are you just plain nervous? This is me pushing you out of your comfort zone and encouraging you to see what all the fuss is about!
Let me know in the comments: Does oral sex intimidate you? Make you feel self-conscious? What do you do about it?
31 Days to Great Sex is here (only $4.99!) It’s the best $5 you’ll ever spend on your marriage!
Learn to talk more, flirt more, and even explore more! You’ll work on how to connect emotionally, spiritually, AND physically.
Find out more here.