In a world where the term “family man” is often thrown around like confetti at a parade, former President Donald Trump’s reputation as a devoted father is coming under fire – and it’s no ordinary fire; it’s the kind fueled by some seriously entertaining anecdotes from his former lawyer, Michael Cohen. In a recent episode of his show “Political Beatdown,” Cohen shared some eyebrow-raising insights about Trump’s parenting style that could make any heart-to-heart Thanksgiving dinner turn into an episode of “The Real Housewives of Parenting.” Spoiler alert: It’s not pretty.
First of all, let’s address the pink elephant in the room. Melania Trump, in an interview with “Fox & Friends,” declared her husband a “family man”. But Cohen was quick to unleash the truth bomb: she might’ve been fabulously mistaken. He recalled Trump’s choice words regarding his children that are, let’s say, significantly less than paternal. “These are Donald’s words,” Cohen said, citing a long-range missile of a quote: “Don Jr. has the worst f***ing judgment of anyone he’s ever met in his life; Ivanka, he wants to sleep with; Eric… well, he really doesn’t say much other than Eric has his spatial understanding.” Oof. Sounds more like a roast than a tribute!
But wait, there’s more, folks! Not even Tiffany Trump, the often overlooked youngest daughter, escaped the Trump critique. Whenever her calls came through, they were typically met with what could be best described as “the dad eye-roll.” Cohen did add a silver lining though, claiming that despite the eye-rolls, Tiffany managed to snag more quality time with her father than his youngest son Barron, who seems to have an ultra-exclusive father-son relationship that’s almost like a private club – no membership required unless you’re Donald Trump.
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Now, if you thought this story had a cartoonish vibe, buckle up. Rooting through the vault of Trump family history reveals some wild tales that would make even the most seasoned reality TV producers raise their eyebrows. In a 2004 profile by New York magazine, Trump expressed a bizarre pride in being a detached father. “I know friends who leave their business so they can spend more time with their children, and I say, ‘Gimme a break!’” he declared. Because who needs family bonding when you can amass a fortune instead?
Things took a humorous, almost tragicomic twist when it became clear that the Trump kiddos had reportedly formed closer bonds with their family’s driver, a man named Vinnie, than with their own dad! Cohen shared a chuckle while recalling how when the former president wanted to cut ties with Vinnie, his kids rallied together in loyal defiance. “If you do, we’re actually leaving,” they reportedly said. “It’s the one thing we will not let you do.” Now, that’s a united front!
As time passed and the children grew, one might wish we could report a “parenting glow-up” for Trump, but alas, that’s like expecting a good rom-com ending in a horror movie. The stories of his questionable parenting strategies continued to roll in like a bad sequel. Trump’s competitive spirit on the golf course is legendary, and the gossip mill is bursting with his notorious willingness to cheat. In a snappy revelation, Eric Trump once shared that as a ten-year-old, he found himself nearly flattened by his dad during a ski race. Apparently, nothing says “I believe in you, son,” like trying to knock him down, right?
Ivanka Trump offered her own hilarious “dad moment” during a skiing session. “We were racing,” she recalled, adding a dramatic flair as if she were narrating an heroic saga. “I was ahead, and he reached his ski pole out and pulled me back.” No worries, though! Just another day in the “Trump family Olympics,” where winning is the only option, and your dad might pull a fast one just to gloat.
In a striking turn of self-awareness (yes, we’re surprised too), Donald Trump Jr. had his own tale from the holiday archives that might leave you questioning the “family man” label even further. He recounted a time when he gave his father a personalized monogrammed gift for Christmas. A year later, what did he receive? The very same item, beautifully wrapped from his apparently forgetful dad. Trump, however, took it all in stride, attempting to justify his lackadaisical parenting routine on his own terms. “I’m a really good father,” he stated in the 2004 New York magazine feature, “but not a really good husband.” Is this man a comedian in disguise? Because we can’t be the only ones snickering at the honesty disguised as humor.
In conclusion, Donald Trump’s attempts at fatherhood could serve as a comedic script waiting to happen, showcasing a mix of questionable judgment, competitive spirit, and a dash of parental detachment. Regardless of one’s political stance, it’s hard not to enjoy the bizarre and sometimes laugh-out-loud moments surrounding the Trump family – a cast of characters that seems almost too outlandish for the average drama series.
So, the next time you hear someone refer to Donald Trump as a “family man,” join us in raising an amused eyebrow and recalling Michael Cohen’s revelations. After all, when family antics rival the most entertaining sitcoms, you know you’ve stumbled upon a story worth telling.
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