Another night, another episode of Paradise. Is anyone else feeling like the only two shows in the world are this and Game of Thrones? Bachelor in Westeros is weirdly a show we’d watch.
Anyway, tonight was Paradise in a nutshell. People thought they were in relationships, then new people showed up, and those “relationships” went out the window, and the people who were left behind were forced to remember that this is how this show works.
First up, we were back to Dean and Kristina. Kristina was still mad, and Dean was not able to go back in time and erase that whole half birthday fiasco, so he was still a dingbat. We have a feeling he may remain a dingbat for the remainder of this season, but hey, anything could happen.
While that was happening, Cute Haircut Sarah arrived with only eyes for Adam. Raven did her best to convince her that Ben Z deserved her date instead (while Ben continued to throw rocks around on the beach), but after a really great talk about Ben’s dog, Sarah asked Adam out anyway.
Their date was fine, whatever, but Raven was not having it back on the beach, especially knowing that the guys are now giving the roses out.
Lacey finally got a date card, and she almost reluctantly invited Diggy. Their date involved riding horses and sitting on the beach while Jorge played third wheel, which was hilarious but weird. Lacey was thrilled, but Diggy didn’t seem to be on the same level, even if they had a pretty good time.
Then, when Dominique arrived on the beach, Diggy got real excited. Dominique immediately invited him on her date, and he revealed that he didn’t think there was really anything there with Lacey. But he was very into Dominique, and very jealous of the strawberries she was eating. The mysterious cutie with the cool glasses suddenly revealed himself to be both goofy and suave, and we continued to curse the Bachelor gods for keeping him from us for so long.
Back on the beach, Lacey cried and cried.
And finally, we have the most contrived storyline of the season.
We want to believe that Wells really was just hired as the bartender, and really wasn’t there with the intent to date anyone, but they’ve been teasing vibes between him and his good friend Danielle M. since moment one. He was just there to serve pina coladas and hand out helpful advice, but there was always Danielle, always without a date, always going back to Wells when nothing else was panning out.
Because there were no guys for her, she decided she was going to take up an offer she had received to go work in Africa. She said a long drawn-out goodbye to everyone on the beach, with everyone wondering if she’d told Wells she was leaving yet.
When she did tell him, Wells offered to walk her out, praising her for doing good in the world. Before she left, they shared a long and pretty not bad kiss. It was actually probably the most appealing and least disgusting kiss we’ve seen on the beach, so good for Danielle and Wells!
Of course, she still got in that car on her way to Africa, but who wants to bet some money she’ll be back at some point? Wells’s rule-breaking can’t be over this quickly, can it?!
Guess we’ll find out next week!
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC.